By Amber Schroeder, Executive Director, ATSA
Nearly two years after they went public with their relationship, the internet is still buzzing about Travis Kelce—and not just because he’s a football star. People are talking about how he treats Taylor Swift. Proudly. Openly. Without a hint of ego or insecurity.
He cheers for her, celebrates her wins, and seems genuinely unbothered that she’s more famous, more powerful, and more influential than he is.
And the response? Swifties and women across social media are asking:
“How did his parents raise him to be this emotionally intelligent?”
“Where did this man come from?”
“How do we clone him?”
It’s all said with a mix of awe and longing—as if the idea of a man who’s secure, emotionally available, and unthreatened by a powerful woman is something rare and borderline mythical.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: We are so surprised by emotionally mature men that we feel the need to study them.
Why This Resonates
Despite all the progress we’ve made, toxic masculinity remains the norm. Many men are still raised with messages that equate masculinity with dominance, emotional detachment, and control. Emotional intelligence? Vulnerability? Those are still seen as weaknesses.
But this conditioning doesn’t just hurt men. It shapes everyone.
Ask a woman how many times she’s had to soften, reframe, or completely concede her idea to a man just so it would be heard—and many women will have examples on standby. They won’t even have to think hard. Women, too, have been conditioned: to shrink, to support, to expect very little in return.
So when someone like Kelce shows up in a way that centers partnership, respect, and mutual success—it feels revolutionary, even though it shouldn’t be.
Culture Shapes Behavior
At ATSA, we understand that no one causes harm in a vacuum. The beliefs that underlie sexually harmful behavior—entitlement, control, emotional detachment—are not innate. They’re learned. Reinforced. Rewarded.
In treatment, we see how hard it can be for people—especially men—to unlearn those patterns. But we also see what happens when they do: accountability becomes possible. Empathy starts to grow. Change takes root.
That change can’t happen at scale unless the culture also shifts. That’s why these public moments—where a man visibly supports a woman’s power without needing to dim it—are more than feel-good headlines. They’re cultural prevention tools.
The NFL’s Complicated Legacy
That this moment is contextualized by the NFL adds another layer of meaning. Professional football has long been associated with aspects of toxic masculinity—rigid, harmful norms about manhood: the belief that dominance, control, and emotional shutdown signal strength—which makes these conversations especially relevant.
In recent years, the NFL has leaned into prevention partnerships—most prominently with RALIANCE, a national collaborative working to end sexual harassment, misconduct, and abuse. The league helped launch RALIANCE and has since renewed a multi-year grant partnership to expand prevention, education, and policy work across communities.
Real cultural change starts long before the pros. And when a high-profile player like Kelce breaks from the old mold, it signals a broader shift in how men show up in public life—not just in treatment sessions, but on global stages.
Taking It Forward
This public reaction tells us that people are hungry for a new model of masculinity. The kind that doesn’t diminish others to feel powerful. The kind that celebrates mutual respect. The kind that makes “being a good partner” the baseline—not the bonus.
So how do we move forward?
In Prevention:
We have to teach kids—boys and girls—what healthy masculinity, respect, emotional intelligence, and partnership actually look like. This starts early, at home, in schools, in sports, and in the media they consume. We can’t rely on them to unlearn toxic norms later—we need to help them build better ones from the start. And we must continue spotlighting public models that show those values in action. These aren’t “soft” skills—they are prevention tools, and they are essential.
In Treatment:
We must continue supporting clients in unlearning toxic behaviors and frameworks and building emotionally mature, accountable identities. Transformation is possible when we allow space for vulnerability and challenge entitlement at the root.
In Culture:
We must understand that rigid gender expectations harm people of all genders. Our aim should not be to hold people to impossible standards, but to refuse to celebrate the bare minimum. Respect isn’t rare. It’s what should have always been there.
When millions dissect how a man respects his partner, it highlights how far norms still have to go—and how much possibility is on the table. At ATSA, we’re committed to that possibility.
No comments:
Post a Comment