By Cordelia Anderson, MA., and Alissa R. Ackerman, PhD.
Say your name, how your feel about being
here, a hope you have for this circle of accountability, what your brought for
an object of meaning to you and why you chose it for this circle…
And so begins the restorative justice
circle we’d been planning for weeks. We had been thinking about what it would
mean for survivors to know the healing power of telling the truth of their
victimization in front of someone who had committed such an act. No, he did not
rape anyone that is in this room. He raped a woman when he was in college –
decades ago. He didn’t know or remember her name and there is no way he can be
held accountable through traditional criminal justice sanctions; he tried. He
wants to help other men speak to the truth of past harms they have done, and
who want to be accountable somehow. He agreed to being part of this circle for
accountability.
One of the participants, Alissa Ackerman,
is a public survivor and criminologist, who has facilitated and participated in
meetings with over 370 men who have committed sex offenses. She has lived the
reality that sitting face to face with men who’ve committed such egregious acts
of harm to other women, is healing for her. She calls this work “vicarious
justice.” She also believes that part of the accountability for those who
committed sex offenses– outside of and along with their criminal justice system
and therapy work – is listening to her stories and the stories of other
survivors. Being heard matters. In this circle she participated as a member of
the circle, not as the facilitator.
The Circle Keeper, Cordelia Anderson, is
trained in restorative justice and circles and has extensive experience doing
circles with those who’ve caused harm and with those who have been harmed.
Sometimes they are all in the same room; there are many ways to approach
restorative processes and circles for healing, for intervention and for
prevention. Serving as Keeper of this circle for accountability, (e.g., where
the majority of the participants are survivors, and the one wanting the process
for accountability has one person of support with him), was new.
For three hours and 15 minutes a talking
piece was passed from person to person. When the talking piece came to the next
person, they could speak to the question at hand or they could pass. After the
opening pass, and rituals to set the stage and tone, participants were asked to
speak to whatever it is they want to say, at that moment about:
-
Why they are here today
-
What the impact of what
happened to them/or that they did, was for them
-
How they are responding to what
they’ve heard
-
What they need to have happen
next
-
How to keep the confidentiality
discussed as part of the opening values, while also clarifying how they will talk
about today’s experience with others
-
What it is they are taking away
from today’s gathering
Part of the
closing was the keeper reading from a piece written by Ashley Judd. In the
5/26/18 piece she wrote for TIME, about Harvey Weinstein, she said:
I was
hopeful Harvey would plead guilty, that his surrender was volitional, so that
in addition to carving out a singular position of disgrace, he could come
forward as the predator who walks out of shame onto a new path of humility,
introspection, accountability and amends, thereby leading our men and country
in the necessary and inexorable of trajectory of restorative justice. It seems
that Harvey, though, will not be the person to do that, as he is pleading not
guilty and still maintains, in the face of so many accusations that all sex was
consensual. Denial can stand for “I don’t even know I am lying,” and it appears
that is where Harvey still lives.
So
as these current steps of justice in New York City unfold, and the system does
its necessary and important thing, we still wait for an accused who can and
will embody what the #metoo movement and our
society needs
and wants: someone who can navigate the duality of having aggressed and address
their abuse of power with culpability and integrity. Restorative justice is
also dual; in order for survivor-victims and society to embrace and restore the
reformed, the reformed must have been genuinely transformed, shedding layers of
toxic masculinity, exiting the denial/apology tour and standing in a new and
collective space where both the person is and the narrative are made whole and
unified.
As ATSA members, who work very hard to
treat those who’ve committed sex offenders or conduct research to better
understand them or treatment process, or who work as victim advocates and/or for
prevention, restorative practices and vicarious justice, offer additional
opportunities for healing and accountability. Too often our work is in siloes
that separates the life experiences and truth of survivors from the life
experience and truth of those who’ve committed sex offenses. We all feel the limits and the benefits of
our work. These processes offer an additional way for individual and collective
healing and accountability.